Most Common Self-Defense Myths #5: Size and Strength Don’t Matter

Welcome to the final post in our Most Common Self-Defense Myths series. Over the last four blogs, we’ve broken down some of the biggest misconceptions in the self-defense world—from the myth that your attacker will be a stranger to the belief that violence is completely random. Now we’re finishing strong with one of the most controversial and misused myths in the entire industry:

MYTH #5: Size and strength don’t matter.

Let’s be blunt. They absolutely matter.

This myth was created for two reasons: one, to motivate smaller or less athletic people to believe they can succeed in training, and two, to sell systems that promise “leverage over strength” or “mindset over muscle.” While there’s value in good technique and mental conditioning, the flat-out denial of physical advantage is dangerous bullshit.

As Tammy Yard McCracken of 500 Rising puts it: “Size and strength do matter. Luckily, they are not the only things that matter.”

If size and strength didn’t matter, we wouldn’t have weight classes in every combat sport. If power wasn’t a factor, elite-level athletes wouldn’t spend thousands of hours developing it. If physicality didn’t affect outcomes, we’d all be able to bench-press our way out of a bad situation with the right mindset. But that’s not how it works.

Why This Myth Sticks Around

This myth is comforting. It tells people that physical preparation doesn’t matter as long as you’ve got the right tricks, tactics, or “killer instincts.” It’s easy to sell, easy to believe, and it lets people feel prepared without doing the hard work.

But in a real-world violent encounter, every single advantage matters. And physicality is a huge one.

The Role of Physical Attributes in Real Violence

Real violence is not fair. There are no referees. No round breaks. No tap-outs. And in those conditions, the bigger, stronger person usually gets to control the terms of the encounter. They choose when to engage. They choose how hard to go. And they can absorb more punishment while delivering more force.

That doesn’t mean the bigger person always wins. But it does mean the smaller person has to make better decisions, sooner.

This is something we explore deeply in Before, During, After: The Timeline of Self-Defense—especially in the “Before” phase. Smaller-framed or less physically capable individuals can absolutely protect themselves, but it requires different strategy. And it starts with not believing the lie that physical attributes are irrelevant.

Where Skill and Strategy Still Win

Size and strength matter—but they aren’t everything. If you’ve ever watched a seasoned jiu-jitsu black belt roll with a muscular white belt, you know that technique still counts. But that black belt also knows how to manage space, timing, leverage, and—critically—when not to be there at all.

Smart self-defense isn’t about being the toughest. It’s about understanding when you can fight and when you can’t. And if you can’t win a physical encounter, you better have planned for the exit long before the first move.

This is why training in real-world self-defense needs to include:

• Stress exposure and pressure testing

• Escape and evasion drills

• Environmental awareness and tactical movement

• Verbal boundary setting and de-escalation

• Tool access and deployment (if legally and ethically justified)

These give people—especially those with physical disadvantages—a fighting chance by changing the terms of the encounter.

Why Lying About This Is Harmful

When instructors pretend that strength is irrelevant, they are lying to their students. And those students may find themselves in real danger with a false sense of security.

If your self-defense system promises you can beat someone twice your size with a single move, they’re not helping you—they’re selling you. The truth is harder. But it’s worth it.

Because once you know that strength and size matter, you can take steps to work around them:

• Don’t go where problems start

• Don’t stay where problems escalate

• Learn to spot grooming and manipulation early

• Use voice and presence to disrupt targeting

• Escape first, fight only if you must

These are the choices that keep people alive. Not a magic wrist-lock or a pressure-point secret.

Final Thought: Get Strong. Stay Smart. Be Real.

Strength matters. So does speed. So does endurance. That doesn’t mean you have to be a bodybuilder or a pro fighter. But if you care about self-defense, you should care about being hard to hurt.

Train your body. Train your mind. Build your emotional boundaries. Prepare for the legal and psychological aftermath.

And most importantly, stop listening to instructors who tell you that you don’t need physicality. They’re not empowering you—they’re pacifying you.

That’s it for this round of Most Common Self-Defense Myths. If you’ve been following along, thank you. The full breakdown of these principles—and a lot more—is coming soon in Before, During, After: The Timeline of Self-Defense. This book isn’t about fantasy. It’s about giving you the clearest, most realistic roadmap to staying safe and making it home.

Until then, keep training for what actually happens.

Randy @randykinglive