Most Common Self-Defense Myths #4: Violence Comes Out of Nowhere

Welcome back to Most Common Self-Defense Myths, where we cut through the clichés and half-truths that hold people back from real safety. If you've been following the series, you know we’ve already tackled:

• Myth #1: You won’t know your attacker

• Myth #2: Fighting back always makes it worse

• Myth #3: Carrying a weapon will keep you safe

And now it's time to take on Myth #4: Violence comes out of nowhere.

This is one of the most fear-driven beliefs in self-defense. It fuels anxiety, justifies bad training, and creates a sense of helplessness that freezes people into inaction. And while it feels true—especially if you’ve ever been caught off guard—it simply doesn’t hold up under scrutiny.

The Truth: Most Violence Has Pre-Contact Cues

In Before, During, After: The Timeline of Self-Defense, we dig into the idea that violence is rarely random. Most violent encounters are preceded by a series of signals, behaviors, and changes in the environment that tell you something is off—if you know how to look.

Violence doesn’t usually explode out of the void. It builds. It simmers. There are observable shifts in body language, tone of voice, spatial behavior, and environmental cues. You just have to train yourself to see them.

Why This Myth Persists

A few reasons:

1. It’s easier to feel helpless than responsible. If violence is truly random, then nothing you do matters. That gives people a weird sense of comfort—because it means they don’t have to prepare.

2. The media makes it look instant. News stories, movies, and viral clips usually pick up after the build-up. We rarely see the tension that led to the blow-up. It just looks like it happened “out of nowhere.”

3. Lack of education. Most self-defense programs focus on the physical. Very few teach people how to read social cues, recognize grooming behavior, or identify escalating patterns.

Pre-Attack Indicators Are Real

People telegraph their intentions. Not always on purpose—but they do. In fact, studies of assault and violent crime show common body language and verbal patterns that happen before an attack. These include:

• Target glancing (scanning to see who’s watching)

• Fidgeting or grooming gestures (adjusting clothes, touching face)

• Invasion of personal space

• Verbal baiting (trying to provoke a reaction)

• Sudden quiet or emotional change

• Look-aways followed by re-engagement

• Shifting stances or hiding hands

These are what we call pre-contact cues. Learning to spot them gives you a massive advantage, because it allows you to shift posture, create distance, de-escalate—or just leave—before things get physical.

Situational Awareness Is a Trainable Skill

Too many people treat awareness like it’s some kind of magical instinct. But awareness is a skill. You can develop it the same way you’d develop any physical attribute—through reps, reflection, and feedback.

Here are a few simple drills:

• Red light scan: Every time you hit a red light, scan your surroundings. What are people doing? What’s out of place? What’s normal for this environment?

• Entry and exit mapping: When you enter a space, clock the entrances, exits, and blind spots. Where would you go if something kicked off?

• Threat check-in: Ask yourself casually, “What’s the most likely threat here?” It’s not paranoia—it’s calibration.

• Pattern recognition: Start noticing the rhythms of your regular environments. Who’s usually around? What’s the usual volume level? What’s different today?

These exercises help you build a mental model of normal. Once you know what normal feels like, you can spot abnormal—and that’s where real awareness starts.

How This Fits the Timeline

The “Before” stage of the Timeline of Self-Defense is where most of your work should happen. If you’re only training for “During,” you’re already too late.

In the “Before” phase, you can:

• Spot red flags

• Interrupt grooming patterns

• De-escalate threats

• Make safer choices about where you go and who you trust

Believing that violence is random robs you of this entire category of options. It turns a solvable problem into a boogeyman.

What If It Does Come Fast?

Okay—let’s be real. Sometimes violence does happen quickly. Sometimes people explode. Sometimes you don’t get a clean warning.

But here’s the trick: training to recognize patterns and cues doesn’t just help you avoid violence. It also makes your brain faster when things go bad. Your nervous system has already seen versions of this before. Your stress response is shallower. Your decision-making is faster.

Preparation doesn’t guarantee you’ll avoid danger—but it always improves your ability to handle it.

Final Thought: See It Before You Feel It

If you believe violence is completely unpredictable, you won’t look for the signs. You’ll miss the cues. You’ll freeze or overreact because you didn’t see it coming.

But if you train your perception—if you learn how to read people and space—you won’t be caught off guard. You’ll be ahead of the curve. And in self-defense, that’s where you want to be.

Myth #5 is up next: “Size and strength don’t matter.” Spoiler alert: they do. But not the way most people think.

If you want to dive deeper into how to prepare before violence ever begins—and how to recognize danger in time to actually do something about it—keep an eye out for my upcoming book Before, During, After: The Timeline of Self-Defense.

Train smart. Stay sharp.

Randy @randykinglive